Eulogies

This is not going to be dark, I promise. But I have told Brad several times during this whole process that I feel like I have gotten to hear what people would say about me if I died without dying. Then, I was recently at a funeral for one of a young Charlotte donor/alumnus who died suddenly at the age of 43. And, his friends and family gave the most touching eulogies.

Recently, I have had the urge to write eulogies for those closest to me to share now. Again, stay with me, this is not depressing. I certainly wish for no one around me to pass, but I do want them to know how very much they mean to me and those around them. And, for those of you who are religious in a way that believes that the deceased will still be listening from "a better place," please believe that I hope that to be true. And, even if that is true, in this better place, I may be too busy hanging out with my grandparents, other family, former pets, and laying on clouds to bother looking down to see what people have to say.

According to "how to write a eulogy" on google, I see that:

Every eulogy should be unique, but these topics will help you draw inspiration:

• A brief overview of their life, including key milestones

• Your favorite memories with them, including a specific anecdote or two

• Details about their relationships with close family and friends

• Any significant accomplishments related to career, interests, or hobbies

• Poems, stories, or songs written by the departed

• Favorite words by authors or poets they admired

Maybe if I don't call them eulogies, it would feel like less of a jinx or weird thing for people to understand. Maybe "living tribute" is more palpable.

My living tributes may include

• our relationship and why I consider you in my inner circle

• some of the many things that I love about you

• a funny story or two

• what I plan to do in the future to honor who you are

• something about you that inspires me

Health update

I have had a bit more seizure activity in the past month. My neurologist is on paternity leave, but I plan to get in to see him when he's back. Though, we would be likely looking at a med adjustment, which is deemed successful or not via seizure activity, so not a fun trial to me, but may be necessary. I sincerely appreciate how many of my Charlotte 49er family have given me rides, generally checked in on me, and have accommodated me in so many ways. I am very lucky to have so much support, but I do plan to be able to drive myself again as soon as humanly possible.

My next brain MRI is March 23

Anxiety and Vulnerability

I started this blog to update friends and family on my progress, share my feelings and insights and catalog my journey, as I can be rather forgetful. Tumor or just Katie?! We may never know.

What I didn't anticipate was gaining connection with so many people and people who are willing to be vulnerable and share with me. I always appreciate the quality of gratitude in others, likely because it's something that I naturally feel and readily recognize in others. Another is vulnerability. I sincerely appreciate when someone is willing to share something with me that they may not normally. What a special point of connection.

To that end, a friend recently shared that she struggles with anxiety, when we were discussing my recent uptick in seizure activity. I would have had no idea that it was a struggle for her and was touched that she shared with me. Something that I'm learning about anxiety is that it shows up a bit differently for all of us. I was telling Brad yesterday, that I know that mine is tied to my seizures but I wonder if worrying about those is different that focusing on things outside of my control, as I know that they are a possibility. I do feel a bit better these days, as I was prescribed this to use if I have an aura. Though it's really strong and I'm essentially out for most of the day, if deployed. We've used it twice - once at the end of a home basketball game and yesterday morning. Typically, I can feel an aura, and sometimes, Brad can see it, sense it (he really is my emotional support human!). Yesterday, I got up fast from the couch and went into the kitchen. Brad asked if I was ok, and I said yes, I just have a headache (though I don't remember saying that). So Brad put helped me to the floor and sprayed this (which does not feel great - I would be terrible at snorting anything - good thing I've never been into drugs). LOL

Travel

At the end of the month, Brad and I are traveling to Tempe, AZ for him to speak at a conference, and we will also visit my Great Uncle Eugene while we are there. We have been trading letters with Uncle E. every couple of weeks and Brad has yet to meet him. We are looking forward to it!

The following week, we are traveling to Panama with some friends, for our first international trip post-diagnosis and Covid. So much excitement!

Brad got us these matching sweatshirts for Valentine's Day though they were backordered and we just got them. The front says, "Made you smile" and the back says, "Dear person behind me, you look great today! lots of love, the person in front of you." And the same to anyone reading this - you look great today, if it's sunny where you are - let it shine upon you. And if it's not sunny, be the light.