Rest of our Lives, The Best of Our Lives - Last Days of Treatment

“This is a wonderful day. I’ve never seen this one before.” – Maya Angelo

I received this beautiful embroidery by my Aunt Brenda. It's now hanging in our Peloton room.

What has not changed from June to now-

I feel excited to get out of bed every day.

Abundant gratitude for my life, my relationships, and even for this journey

I repeat the same mantras in the radiation mask everyday while doing box breathing:

I am whole, this is healing process, I am peaceful, I am calm. And sometimes I silently chant , "Shrink, shrink, shrink....shrink that tumor" to the tune of,"Shake that Booty."

Things that I’ll miss –

Seeing the radiation techs and Eden at the front desk every day- such kind rays of sunshine, and being offered a warm blanket everywhere

Hearing from so many friends and loved ones each week – hopefully, we will still keep in close touch but conversations will be less focused on my health

What I Will Not Miss-

Being viewed as a patient

Having no energy

My mouth tasting like metal for the first quarter of the day

What I’m most Looking Forward to (some also due to being home because of Covid and home for treatment):

1. Seeing our family & Thanksgiving - my step-daughter, Mia, whom was supposed to come down for her 21st birthday in August, but couldn’t because of my stupid brain tumor, is coming to visit for Thanksgiving! I’m not sure if she’s more excited to see us or the Golden Girls.

1. My parents* and my sister and her family are coming down too. It's going to be great to see everyone!

2. Getting back to work

3. Charlotte 49er Sports

4. Reigniting our consulting work to help individuals and organizations leverage their personal strengths and asset-based thinking to live their best lives and achieve their best professional outputs

5. Driving – hoping I’m cleared before February (6 months from my last seizure)

6. Strength training

7. Traveling

8. Hiking, biking, even…running

9. A fully functioning left side - typing and texting with 2 hands

10. My 40th birthday (in 1 ½ years)! Best perspective on turning 40 – a brain tumor!

*Mar & Lar and Capacity for Change /Growth

One of the things that I've always told Brad was how much I admire his capacity for growth and this is generally a quality which I recognize and seek out. Imagine my surprise when talking with Mar and Lar about our switch to a whole food plant-based diet and after watching one the documentaries that I suggested, at 69/74, born and raised in the Midwest, these two completely changed their eating habits. Im so very proud of them for taking control of their health. After 2 months, my dad's BP and resting heart rate is the lowest it's been, and today his cardiologist cut one of his heart meds in half! My moms BP is also very low. They have increased energy, are losing weight and look younger! Here's hoping that they are getting additional years of health and vitality with them!

An Ode to my Buddy

I always thought it was kind of cliché when people said that you become closer when you go through something, but I understand it now. Brad has now seen me at my lowest lows (seizures, nausea, hair loss) and seems to love me more than ever. He's always been an incredible partner but over the past 5 months has taken sole responsibility for all cooking, cleaning, yard work, Golden Girl care, pill organizer, and so much more. Im so grateful for his positivity, love, and drive toward what's next for us.

Ultimate Lesson in living in the present:

We’ve all been caught from time to time of the thinking trap of “Ill be happy/live my best life, when I…”

lose the weight

Buy the house

Meet the person

Have the child

Get the job

Retire

Lose the brain tumor/beat cancer

But none of this is promised or fully in our control. The time to live our best lives is NOW.

This brain tumor likely won’t be fully in the rearview. I will probably continue to live with it in some capacity, for life. We will not yield to it – it has to be along for the ride while we live our lives. We truly are limited editions – I hope to take control of my health trajectory and treat my good health like the gift it is.

Whats Next?

Besides living life and doing all of the things I've been looking forward to, I've been told that my fatigue will hang on for another couple of weeks. I'll be scheduled for another MRI in 3-4 weeks. The oncologist tries to manage expectations and told us they hope that it hasn't grown, but of corse Brad and I have been manifesting the tumor shrinking.

I'll continue on some minimal dose of oral chemo for 6 months. We will take the new MRI to Duke for a consult with my main oncologist, Dr. Khasrow. I will continue with physical, occupatial, and speech/cognitive therapies a few times per week.

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