Peace of the Present

Life Transitions

I feel that many of life's transitions society does not properly prepare us for - high school/ college graduate to full-time working adult, full-time working adult to retiree, non-parent to parent (I imagine this to be true, as I do not have a child of my own. my stepdaughter is 21 and has never relied on me for survival)

Now, I'm navigating the transitions of normal person to patient back to "normal" - well, normal with renewed perspective of balancing life and work/stress/pressure. I know that I need to manage cortisol levels and making sure that I'm keeping my healthy lifestyle in place. The first part, going from normal person" to patient, I was simply thrust into and then got onto the health system conveyor belt - so, not a lot of work or consideration was spent on this. The latter part is a bit tougher to navigate, as "normal" isn't the same after going through this journey. It continues to be a journey, and I'm lucky to be surrounded my a support system that provides me with a considerable amount of grace and support.

Peace of the Present

The more that I read about Buddhism and practice meditation, I realize that, for me, part of the power of staying present is that it is safe and peaceful. I don't have to stress about my neurologist finding the right med cocktail to control my seizures because in this moment, I am not in a seizure and I am safely at home with Brad, if that were to change. In this moment, I do not have to worry about scan results. In this moment, I do not have to think about how long my brain fog from radiation or medication will last. In this moment, I do not have to worry about my capacity or work output a year from now. In this moment, I am perfectly at peace and safe. In this moment, I don't have to worry about what's next in this journey, because I do not know, and that keeps me at peace in the magical present.

I am currently reading one of Brad's favorite books, as I try to grasp the 4 Noble Truths and advance my meditation practice.

I also highly recommend this film on Amazon Prime, the Longevity film - a great perspective on the tenants of lifestyle that are prevalent in the world's blue zones (the world's longest-lived cultures).

Health Update:

I had my first minor seizure on the peloton on Wednesday - luckily, Brad stays in the room with me while I ride and was able to keep me upright and stable. My neuropsychiatrist assured me that it is not unsafe to ride/elevate my heart rate, if that has been part of my routine. and, if you consider the base rate - I have done about 200 rides since June and this has been my first episode on the bike. However, I recovered pretty quickly after and didn't give my brain adequate rest after and had another several hours later. My neuropsychological did remind me that I need to work and rest in blocks and stick to that plan "religiously." My neurologist added an additional anti-seizure med back in, and I meet with him again virtually tomorrow. I'm very proud of myself for getting back on the bike twice this week for short low impact rides this week, as I felt a bit of ptsd about riding after having experienced that.

I also have bloodwork and my monthly check in with my oncologist on Tuesday. And bonus doctor - the dermatologist on Tuesday - one type of cancer does not negate others. So, time for my annual skin check! (I had a spot of melanoma removed from my back in my late 20s)

Next MRI is Monday, Feb 22nd - same day that my next round of chemo starts.

I scheduled my first virtual therapy session for Thursday (it took awhile to get in with the mental health crisis that is accompanying the pandemic).