Real Talk - Losing My Voice

Vulnerable Topics Coming at Ya...

Losing My Voice - For some reason, I feel shame about the fact that I have lost my singing voice in this process, though I have no control over it. The consensus from my medical team seems to be that it could be from meds or seizures. Likely, not from radiation, as my treatment wasn't in that area. This may not seem like a big deal to those who are new in my life. But, I spent much of my middle, high school and college years in choir and musical theatre. When I competed in the Miss Ohio system, singing was my talent. I think the shame comes from not utilizing my voice as much as I would have liked/should have as an adult.

Therapy - I had my first therapy session this week and it was good. Because 1:1 video chats are a bit taxing on my brain at this point, we switched to phone calls and take 5 min breaks every 15 mins. She helped me with a few grounding techniques for when I'm engaged in conversation with someone. In addition to my seizure anxiety, I think I am struggling with this connection/communication issue a lot because easily connecting with people has always come so easy to me. I now start judging what Im saying as its coming out of my mouth - am I speaking clearly? Do I sound ok? Am I talking too fast/slow?As many people with the strength of WOO (winning others over), a stranger is just a friend that I haven't met yet! So, I'm working on small goals there and giving myself grace in the process.

I'm usually pretty good at finding my calm and center while meditating but it's more difficult when actively in conversation with someone. We are also going to set some small goals to work toward. My strategic strength gets in my way sometimes, as I get too ahead of myself and start worrying about what is my capacity going to be like a year from now, what does this mean for our consulting work and my ability to work with people on their strengths, etc.

Speaking of breathing and meditating, if we are friends on Facebook, you may have seen me post about the shift necklace last week:

As promised, I waited a week to make sure it wasn't an impulse purchase (who is lucky enough to have an in-house financial literacy expert?🙋🏼‍♀️) and ordered yesterday. I'll let you know how it goes.

Letter to My Future Self

Speaking of what does my life look like a year from now, I have suggested this to other people/students whom I have coached and am going to do one soon to track my progress and hopefully give my future self a win for how far Ive come when I receive it. I highly recommend that you check it out. - You can set the "future" date for 1 week to 10 years! lettertomyfutureself.net

Health update

I just finished my 3rd round of chemo last Friday and finally started to feel like myself again on Wednesday - each round is a little different - last time I felt pretty ok, and this time, a little more like garbage sauce.

My oncologist was worried about my ongoing seizure activity and wanted to consult with the Duke team to potentially reevaluate my treatment plan

So, we had a virtual visit with Duke this morning and they are not really worried about the tumor - it seems to be stable right now. They are trying to address the edema (swelling) around it. So, I’m staying on the oral chemo but they’re adding an infusion treatment, Avastin, every three weeks that should help with the swelling and hopefully starts to control/eliminate my seizures and pressure headaches I've been experiencing. Which means, they will be able to eventually wean me off of the steroid - yay!

From the funniest instagram account to me right now:

Other Updates

Our Golden Girls have started laying eggs - we have collected 5 so far!

We both got to schedule our covid vaccines yesterday! March 9th and 30th! Cannot wait! I mean, we won't be able to start licking any doorknobs (because so many people sadly still aren't choosing to get it) but we can likely leave the house a little more often and patios will start opening in NC soon!