Survivorship

I didn't know that this was a term, until recently. I saw a post about it on the cancer patient's instagram, and I had just been talking to my therapist about defining my life on the other side of all this. Up to now and currently, all questions of "how are you?" are met with some response related to where I am in my treatment timeline or how I am feeling on that particular day. But once treatment is over - late November - what is the answer then? And it can't always be that I'm thrilled to be done with treatment, though I will be. Part of the survivorship issue is retraining myself of who I am after being a cancer patient. And it won't be the exact same person as I was before my diagnosis. That is ok, but it's probably time to figure out who that is personally and professionally.

Responses

My therapist and I talked about ways that I may want to use this experience going forward and not just learn from it but go back to life as usual. Also, I need to formulate an answer to the "how are you?" and "you look so good!" typical phrases from people who understandably don't know what to say. It's probably masking the "I'm so glad you're not dead!" which is what they are thinking. I would't have the right thing to say either. I think part of this is discomfort with being the center of attention for a year. Mackenzie, my therapist, and I talked about ways to redirect the conversation. Assure the asker that I'm doing fine then bring up something that we have in common or something that I know is important to them - i.e. grandkids, new home, job, etc.

It is important for me to say that I appreciate people caring how I am and asking about how I'm feeling. I'm just not used to all of the attention for an illness. I know the intentions are good. I'm just much more comfortable with symbiotic relationships.

Self-Definition

Though the response doesn't help with the self-definition part post-treatment. As Mackenzie pointed out, it's sort of like being college student going to class every day to working professional - making your own schedule and priorities. I'll definitely be going back to work, but how do I carry forward what I have learned from this perspective shifting experience to my usual life without losing sight of what I have learned? After being on the convey belt of treatment, my timeline is back up to me. Im not living from one chemo treatment to the next.

Girls' Weekend

My next week of chemo starts on Monday, after a much needed visit from my dear friends from Michigan, Kate and Eric. And, next month, is the most thoughtful gift I have ever received - a girls' weekend to Ashville, NC planned in surprise by Brad with all of my best post-college girlfriends. I'm so excited!