What a Year We've Had.

One Year Ago Tonight

I woke up in the ICU,

ICU Doctor: Have you had a seizure before?

Me: I had a seizure?! Does my husband know?

ICU Doctor: Yes, he called the ambulance.

When we were still eating meat: pre-Duke update - am I having a craniotomy or a biopsy at Duke?

Post-Brain Biopsy - Being awake as they drill into your skull is surreal.

We got our Peloton and continued waiting and realizing that we are not on the same schedule as the healthcare professionals.

Meeting the Duke oncology team. - I have a grade 2 astrocytoma, which they are going to treat like a grade 3, since I am young and will likely respond well to treatment, in Charlotte.

Plan for brain radiation and fitting for my battle helmet - This photo was for the fitting when they definitely didn't tell me how tightly this thing would clamp down around/over my face for my 6 weeks of brain radiation.

Understanding the importance of personal networks.

Books and Documentaries that changed our perspective on food and lifestyle for cellular health.

Boldly Bald. And then I asked Brad to shave my head, because of my bald spots from radiation.

Goals for my next trip around the sun.

Power of the Present - This breath, This Moment.

Real Talk - I can't sing anymore. And I feel like I communicate a bit differently. I'm learning to embrace the new me.

Staying alive is expensive.

Learning empathy for anxiety sufferers. And, seeing my parents after over a year apart.

I'm slowly learning to manage my energy, but usually the hard way.

Other Lessons Learned this Year:

- If you don't have your health, nothing else can matter in your life.

- We don't have control over what happens in this life - especially seizures (2 on Christmas Day?!)

- Embrace the life perspective shift. Even if it turns life sideways, there are benefits of seeing things from a new angle.

- Your situation could always be worse. You don't need to look very far to find someone who would look at your problems and consider them blessings. Find the gratitude in every thing.

- Learn how to meditate or calm your nervous system with breathing. If I'm on my game to get myself in the right headspace, I can do about 5 rounds of breathing (4 in, 4 hold, 8 out - 5 times) and I can feel totally different.

- Make sure you value and keep your healthcare plan up-to-date.

- Have an emergency savings. At least 6 months of living expenses or more, if you can swing it. This will make everything less stressful.

- Authentically build your personal network. Don't just wait for these people to check in on you. Everyone has stuff going on in their lives. Yes, you have cancer, but your friends and family are still having babies, buying homes, and getting married/divorced. You will really see who is there for you in these situations and people will surprise you - both for the good and the not-so-good.

- ongoing lessons/work in progress - talk to yourself like a friend.

- Make sure you like what's on the inside of yourself. The outside may change/deteriorate quicker than you anticipate.

- Don't just diet and look at what you eat for body composition or looks - think about how you are feeding your body for cellular health - we only get one crack at this!

- Work is important, but maybe not in the way that we think. If I were hit by the garbage truck tomorrow, I could easily be replaced at work and the world would keep spinning. What is not replaceable are the personal relationships that you garner through your work. Some of my former and current colleagues have been the most supportive people in my corner, as well as donors with whom I've had the pleasure to work.

- The little things are the big things: dinner on the porch, a phone call from a friend, a hug from someone you haven't seen in a year, sitting outside with our chickens, eating food that we've grown in our garden

- Make sure you align yourself with a true partner

Side note of Importance:

This guy is the greatest partner on the planet.

I loved him so much before all of this, but we've grown even closer this year.

He's taken up the slack around the house, become an excellent chicken dad, finished his PhD, taken me to the bathroom when my left leg didn't work well after seizures, made almost all of our meals, started building a financial literacy and well-being program at Charlotte (doing the work of about 3 people), takes care of our lawn and garden, reads to me, meditates with me, hangs out with me while I ride the peloton and stays nearby when I shower in case of seizures, cheerleads during my treatment weeks, rubs my back when I'm puking in the middle of the night (he'd be holding back my hair, if I had enough).

As you can read, the list is long and varied. But, damn, if he's not the coolest (and the cutest).